Dude, you know how I know that you're gay???

Seth Rogen is on the left and Paul Rudd on the right. I thought this was a very funny scene from the 40-year old virgin.

I got an interesting e-mail from the wife of a person who works across the hall from me. I have talked with this guy, a very nice Canuck. His wife and I have crossed paths once. Apparently, I was not being "gay" that night (to eveyone else's protestations, I can be a non-screamer - its rare, but true). Anyways, I'm pretty out-there at work so most people have figured out that office 130 has a 'mo in there but the wife wants me to go out for drinks with a really funny and nice friend this weekend.

Here is my conundrum - if you are passively out at work (i.e. you neither promote nor hide your sexuality), then what happens when you have people who have yet to consider the idea???

In our present climate, do we need to come out actively when at work? Again, if asked directly, I have never hidden it and the single girls had me figured out in about 3 seconds after starting. But I don't hang around really straight guys (you know, the Kinsey 0 - the ones for whom gayness is not an option). I'm actually interested in this because I am somewhat shocked that someone hasn't figured it out and/or gotten the message through the gossip circuit.

So I am not sure what to do with the wife yet - I think I will use the weather to politely decline and make sure we reschedule. In the meantime, I have to figure out how to broach the topic with my office acquaintance. And "coming out" seems so blunt - I don't want to embarass this guy or his wife or have a socially awkward interaction with him at work. Not my style and not a good idea in a building full of scientists and computer geeks (introvert city). Ideas?