Part of normal discourse

Jimbo has a good post today. I happen to agree with him about his thoughts about the question: "So what do you do for a living?". This is not a sign of someone being judgemental or boorish. In fact, it is one of those normal questions that allows a conversation to start.

I think that the art of conversation is dying quickly, if not dead already. But when conversing with someone new to you, you do have to offer up some personal information (as do they) which may include how you pay for your existence upon this planet. In the olden days of yore, it was quite obvious what people did - one would just take a look at the sign above the door (e.g. a barber, dentist, cooper, blacksmith, etc.). When people of yore lived in smaller collectives, work and life were enmeshed nearly completely. But now things are a little more compartmentalized and a person lives here, works there, and socializes in yet another place - identifying what people do is a little more difficult. Asking what someone does is not so much a challenge as it is a simple and obvious initial question.

Believe me - I would LOVE to be able to say what I do. But when I say "I am a plant geneticist", I usually get one of three responses: 1) they turn and walk away (it happens), 2) they make some comment about how I must be smart and then walk away, or 3) they don't acknowledge that I said anything and pick a new question.

I stopped taking it personally long ago. And I am not ashamed of what I do, but I know that it is such an esoteric job that it doesn't translate to the broader community. Now, I just grin and bear it. And I try to help the conversation along by making some self-deprecating statement about being a geek. Well timed self-deprecation is a a staple of conversation - and, in and of itself, is also a lost art.

So when asked, just spit it out and move on if you really don't want to discuss what you do. Another basic tenet of conversation is that you never press someone on something that they wish not to discuss. For those that press in the conversation about things you wish not to discuss are the rude ones.

Peripheral Bitch:

I would posit that the people who are most unhappy when asked this question "So what do you do?" are 20-somethings who work low-end retail. They have to work in these sorts of jobs because they want to live in the city but they have no marketable skills other than getting older guys to buy them drinks at Halo. Remember that for this crowd of emaciated chicken, us fat,old,bitter,wrinkled trolls are expected to bow in reverence of their youth and "vitality" and litheness. This reverence includes never asking them difficult questions (i.e. where do you live, what do you do, discussions about politics, etc). Also this reverence would be thinking that statements like: "OMG, how could you NOT know what Paris Hilton did today?" are somehow charming. And of course, buying them drinks, lots and lots of drinks, while enduring quotes like "Oh I know you did not just buy me a drink with rail vodka!".