Rugger man on man action

NOT SAFE FOR WORK.

I am poaching this from Jimbo. It is a total train-wreck.

Kinsey-1 always said that the Brit males had a propensity for man on man action. As we would write at the ends of our proofs in engineering school, Q.E.D.

Enjoy.

Des Moines does not disappoint

Children - I had quite a week at work so I was really ready for a Friday afternoon cocktail at the Saddle (the bar is called the Blazing Saddle - but the girls call it the saddle). Mr. DJ spins fab tracks on Friday and drinks are cheap and BIG....some of my DC rugby sistahs (you know who you are!!) would definitely enjoy a double vodka cran in a mug for 3 bucks.

Well Bubba and I both had late lunch on Friday and we were not feeling super peppy so we figured that we would hit the saddle quickly for a drink on Friday evening and be back early.

Well let's just say things did not go as planned:

1. The gay bars are located in a part of town called the East Village which is "trendy" - it really is growing on me. My favorite dive bar EVER is there called the Locust Tap - just a shit hole bar with lots of rough trade and cheap Miller High Life. The High Life is my D.O.C. (drink of choice) when my body gets too much cranberry juice and vodka. I digress.

Well Friday night happened to be Bike Night in Des Moines which means that they have bikers come in and they have a street fair including food, all things biker, and of course beer. Now in San Francisco I was introduced to the street fair staple for skinny bitches called "meat on a stick" - it is usually chicken in some forgettable marinade which has been grilled into submission and speared on a wooden skewer. They are horrible unless drunk mid-day and having a sugar crash. Well bike night took "meat on a stick" to a new level. The Iowans appear to be fans of a smoked turkey leg.

Yes children, these hot biker daddies (and bitches too) were wandering around the "trendy" part of town at the street fair gnawing on these large avian femurs. It makes me nauseous but Bubba thinks it is funny.

Bubba was definitely in his element at Biker Night - lots of biker chicken floating around. Jimbo would have wet his pants at the sights of some of these biker daddies up close. Think Caveman with a tan in leather and levi's.

Let me tell you - she was winking.

2. The main music stage for bike night was smack dab in front of the Saddle. Bubba and I though the same thought at the same time - what happens when one of these straight biker guys comes into the bar.

So we cruised into the Saddle and it was FULL of these biker couples (straight) hanging out and getting drinks (which you can carry on the street openly - FABULOUS).

So we greeted Mr. DJ and I made some suggestions for songs - one was Berlin's "Metro"...Mr. DJ couldn't find it but made it up to me by playing Madison Avenue's "Do I look like a slut?".

Mr. DJ and I were in complementary plaid shorts and white shirts - a trendy, gayish Doublemint Twin kinda thing going on. Love Mr. DJ.

3. Now when we got there it was still early-ish (7:30 or so). Around 9-ish the street fair started to wind down and the biker couples (straight) infiltrated the bar and started getting their drink on. Mr. DJ never missing a beat and sensing the change in tides threw on some Rolling Stones and Janis Joplin - the bar LOVED it. A true moment of gay straight harmony.

4. Now that Bubba and I had not had dinner and starting hitting the drinks - things started to liven up considerably. Bubba gets very very chatty when drunk and smiles alot.....well Mr. DJ's paramour showed up (very butch) and they just had a grand time chatting about guns and blowing things up and all that butch stuff.

I watched this straight guy (who was standing at the bar and I was behind him at the DJ booth) and he proceeded to rope these two random chicks into talking to him, then kissing him, then grabbing at his business, and then out came the dick and one of the chicks was on it like a Hoover vacuum. He was getting a hummer at the bar from one of the women and was macking on the other. Then he closed up shop and they all quickly left to, I would suppose, finish business.

We lasted another hour - The BJ guy was back, sans women and rubbing himself alot, right before we left - Mr. DJ said that he came back to "get it done properly".

So we get home at midnight, cram some food in, and pass out. Good times.


Well now we had to get up because I had Yoga at 9:30 (Hot Mama got me a mat awhile back and I have started going to Yoga classes at my gym) and we had to meet Mr. DJ at 11:15am for Market Day (the Farmer's Market downtown). I got back from Yoga and Bubba failed to eat breakfast so he was headed for a blood sugar crisis when we picked up Mr. DJ. (BTW - Yoga was fab - Yoga is the new rugby, you heard it here first). So Bubba proceeded to eat his way across the Farmer's Market - 1) Pretzel dog immediately, 2) some Indian potato thing called a Saloo (I believe - Bubba recommends) 3) an El Salvadoran breakfast thing with cole slaw, meat and a corn meal tortilla, and 4) a breakfast burrito. Mr. DJ and I cruised men - it was just OK.

So it got really hot (like DC hot) when the sun finally got going and we all just wilted. Mr. DJ offered up a great idea- let's go the Art Center because they were having a festival on Saturday. So we troop over there - very nice place. IM Pei did the first major addition and Richard Meyer did the second (very much like the High in the ATL). Good collection of representations of each of the major periods in modern art save Abstract Expressionism (I was not too bent out of shape becuase it is not my favorite).

We also found out that they had a booty shaking high school marching band appearing (this ranks up there with cross country chicken in Bubba's list of fetishes). So we watched the Isisorettes do a 30 minute show. It was mainly dance and percussion but they did a really nice thing by incorporating a set of bells with the percussion - it made it very interesting. The first time I have heard the Jeopardy theme turned into a dance number (and it was GOOD). So booties were shaken and Bubba got his fill. We then dropped off Mr. DJ for naptime. I had errands and Bubba also needed a nap.

Saturday evening was the main event. A big drag-a-thon to remember Aramis who was a central figure in the drag community in Des Moines - she died in late June and her death really resonated with the community. Below is an excerpt from the web page:

We are hosting a Memorial for Aramis Of Iowa (Jeffrey K. Farber) at Hamilton's Funeral Home on East 6th & Lyon (3 blocks from the Saddle) on Saturday, July 28th 2007. Visitation is at 5pm with a Celebration of Aramis at 5:45pm. We would appreciate everyone dressing appropriately - which means High Drag for those who can & will as there will be a unified procession to the Saddle for a reception directly after the Service. We will also be having a Benefit Show - "Hannukah In July" (formerly Christmas in July) in his honor with the proceeds going to C.C.'s Basket Program for the Project. All performers are welcome and appreciated.

Bubba and I got there around 7-ish and the crowd rolled in shortly after. I think every drag queen in town was there (in the daylight!!!) and the drag-a-thon started at 9pm. It finally ended around midnight and there were some high points and some really low points. But the bar was packed, drag queens were crying, the drinks were flowing and the weather was perfect.

Just before we left, Bubba was approached by the gentleman from last week who asked if Bubba was on Bear411. They chatted and it was very friendly - less a mauling and more of a cuddle.

We got home and went to bed. Now Bubba is down at another "event" at the Saddle called Lockdown (I am too tired to go and I have too much shit to do around the house). Here is the description from the website:

The Summer LockDown at the Saddle is BACK!

Tickets are now on sale at the Saddle for the "HOTTEST" Event of the Summer

Sunday, July 29th at 5pm!

Tickets are $35 prepaid or $40 at the Door!

If you don't know anything about the Saddle LockDown - ask someone who's been there cuz what goes on at the LockDown STAYS at the LockDown!

Apparently what happens is that the bar closes its doors for three hours from 5-8pm today. Once locked in, these strippers from Chicago then prance around in thongs (or less) for three hours and do little go-go numbers and everyone gets cozy. Bubba loves this sort of thing, so he was going to go down and get the scoop. I await his return.

Well that is all for now - I actually have to go to work tomorrow and get something done so I have been busy as a bee today unpacking, running errands, laundry, etc. I'll let you know about lockdown this week!

From Des Moines M4M Missed Connections

Bubba was trolling the net and found this entry under M4M missed connections in Des Moines on Craigslist:

Dahls on Beaver - m4m - 43
Date: 2007-07-11, 10:41PM CDT

You were getting into a green jeep, with washington (DC) plates. I was getting out of a green ford. You looked at me, I looked at you. I was wearing a white shirt with brown stripes. You had to wait for a car in front of you and I looked at you in your mirror, and you were looking at me. YOU ARE HOT! Care to chat sometime?

Bubba could not figure out which one he was talking about. I informed Bubba that it MUST be him because I don't go trolling grocery store parking lots *snap*.

Buying locally

Bubba and I had the pleasure of being introduced to the Des Moines Farmer's Market on a glorious Saturday morning. The market is in downtown in the hip drinking area for all of the hets. We fetched Mr. DJ from his hillside abode, popped in for some coffee, and then hit the market.

And damn if it wasn't good. Kinda like the Raleigh Farmer's Market but downtown. Lots of produce but also lots of food and crafts and such. Families everyone - I think that people just spend all their time fucking here because there are kids EVERYWHERE. I literally cannot turn around at work without seeing a picture of someone's child.

Anyways - Bubba, Mr. DJ and I all surveyed the whole market (blocks and blocks and blocks) while getting a very nice sampling of all of the DILFs. Not alot of chicken (at 10am on Saturday, they are still in bed passed out) but Mr. DJ and I saw many a hot daddy.

So after some discussion, we picked our vendor of choice. Westrum Produce. Mr. DJ has a very urban look and you cannot miss him. He got his produce immediately. I was in a pink T shirt, breezy khaki linen trousers, flip flops and had my shades on.

OK I looked kinda gay.

So I tell Mr. DJ that I will catch up with him and Bubba when I get my produce. Well little Miss Teen-something with bad acne proceeds to help THREE other straight people before sighing and asking me if I needed anything.

Well Miss Scientist got her produce and then got a little bitter. The thing was that it was not really what was said - but how it was said. And that there were 3 other people standing around doing NOTHING! The one other person working was helping someone else at another table. I stood there for literally three minutes waiting to see how fucking long it would take for someone to help me.

So you have three people doing NOTHING and two people working. Sounds like Westrum Produce is less of a business and more of an entitlement program.

Westrum Produce will NEVER EVER get another dollar from me. I will furthermore tell every fag in town that if you shop Westrum Produce at the market, you will be supporting bigotry. Also you are giving your hard-earned money to a very inefficient operation.

Now Bubba thinks that I bring some of this on myself. Bubba is an "assertive" shopper - the girl does not wait to be waited upon. He steps up and, if there is an ambiguity in the situation, he clears it up. I, on the other hand, am more of a "passive" shopper - I refuse to beg anyone to serve me. It is me who is spending the money and it is the merchant who is working and I refuse to grovel them into providing me some fucking service. Therefore, I vote very carefully with my pocketbook and have a long list of places that I will not go to "ever again". I am a firm believer in this principle and I have become a Nazi about shopping in small shops and buying locally after living in DC.

What really did it for me is the fact that I could go to ANY place that was a chain in the Takoma area and INVARIABLY the person working there was from some other country and could not speak English. One day at Bank of America, it was so bad that I had to leave and try again another day - and I was asking a question about my Bank of America credit card. That is NOT acceptable.

So in choosing where to spend my money locally - I have a much higher probability of effecting change by being able to actually speak to a person who comprehends English and runs the business.

I was thinking about this last evening and I had a revelation! I now understand why the black community still supports Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. Yes, they are race baiters and opportunists - but the community supports these efforts BECAUSE they expose the sin. When using these two whores, the community may not like the means, but the end is of value. Jesse and Al allow regular people to see who or what is engaging in activities that might have a racist tinge to them. Armed with that information, individuals can now make choices about whether to participate in a boycott or get more information about the concern.

I am a huge fan of boycotts - it is one of the few mechanisms that minority communities (of any type or size) have to make their point known. And chains have just gotten to the point where there is no point in going and the only thing they listen to is a large loss in capital - the loss of one or two people because of bad service is nothing for them to get exercised over.

My feeling on chains: The service is terrible. The stores are not clean. No one speaks English. The products tend to be cut-rate and break quickly. And the manager has no real vested interest in making things better for his 30K a year.

I'm thinking about this alot now that I am lining up my new favorite places to shop in Des Moines. And one of them will not be Westrum Produce. I'm sending them a letter to explain to them why I will not be spending my 20 bucks a week at their stand. It is not so much the soft bigotry that I resent - kids are kids. It is the fact that there were three people "working" who were standing there looking at me and not helping me. Soft bigotry is such a ephemeral phenomenon that I don't know if it is worth getting hyped up over (even though I still am bitter) but bad management of people is definitely worth a boycott. If I have to beg a 20-year old to stop talking long enough to get me 4 cucumbers and an onion, then I ought not reward that company with my dollars for their ineptitude. Unlike many aspects in life, the farmer's market has lots of choices and I'll be searching for another vendor!

Hello 911!!! I've been mauled!

Bubba and I went down to hear the DJ spin some tunes and we had some drinks. Mr. DJ was kind enough to have found a remix of Sylvester's "Do you wanna funk?" and played that when we got to the bar.

BTW - The weather here is FANTASTIC right now. It is sunny and 63F at 8:45am in late July. Bubba and I are sleeping like logs in this weather.

Anyhoo. Bubba and I were talking to Mr. DJ and getting our cocktail on (We are all meeting up this morning to survey the Des Moines Farmer's Market. Apparently it is a cultural event...in any case, I want some good tomatoes and fresh basil!)

OK back to last night - Mr. DJ leaves the bar amid a flurry of kisses. Bubba and I hang back to finish up our last drink before we head out. Suddenly out of nowhere - this bear pair (think Titan/Eagle) swoops in and start talking to Bubba - I was basically ignored. I think it is so cute and harmless - the Bear Pair are petting Bubba and rubbing on him and making eyes at him. Very Wild Kingdom - I was Marlon watching Jim (Bubba) play with the bears.

Well something in the air changed. The bigger bear (Big Bear) grabs Bubba by the back of his pants, spins him around, puts him face down on a table and starts dry humping him. There was a mention of a sling in there too. Bubba looked like he was in an episode of Oz getting ridden by a 300 pound, hairy guy.

Now I am cocktailed, so it took a few seconds for it all to register (I mean, I don't even get to do that to Bubba).

Bubba was getting mauled!

Then Big Bear released Bubba from his clutches and was back to snuggling and cuddling. Bubba looked dazed at this point. The bears ambled off to a buffet and Bubba was cold and wanted someone to hold him.

So we are headed out waving to Stinky (the bartender - his honest to God nickname) and another bearish thing comes up and grabs Bubba and introduces himself. I turn around and see another mauling coming - this guy is cooing to Bubba "Are you on Bear 411". Bubba shouts no and tears out of the bar.

So Bubba is now planning an extensive workout and diet package put together by the stud manager of the gym. He refuses to become bear bait!

Another interesting development: One of the lead drag queens in Des Moines, Aramis of Iowa, passed away at the end of June - it was unexpected. Well the local community is having a memorial service for her at a funeral home in the East Village (where the bars and homos are). The following is a quote from the announcement:

"Following the memorial (7:00-ish) we will have a Unified Procession to the Blazing Saddle for social time before the "Hanukkah in July" Benefit show to start at 9 pm to benefit CC's Holiday Basket Program in honor of Aramis.

Appropriate dress is requested, which means High Drag for those who can and will...So get your eyebrows on and celebrate the gal who celebrated for so many.

We heard an anecdote about when Aramis was found dead. The cops came to confiscate the driver's license (it is some odd Iowa law) and they asked where the license might be and one of his roommates said:

"It might be in a purse".


Iowa is turning out to be a very interesting place. I'm enjoying seeing Bubba turned into a bear plaything (he just reminded me that before getting mauled, they asked very politely if they could feel his ass). I can't wait to go to Aramis' Unified Procession!!!

I'll fill you in on Stinkette's Bus to the Iowa State Fair in my next posting. Oh and remind me to fill you in on the lockdown at the bar on Sunday with hung strippers from Chicago.

Friday Beef

David Beckham

Brady Quinn

Johnny Wilkinson

Iowa posting

Well I am sorry for the radio silence for the past month. I moved to Iowa and have started a new position that I am very excited about.

Iowa is really quite nice. Bubba and I have a great house in an older neighborhood. Two stories and a full basement also - so much space! Linus is quite happy with his large and completely fenced-in backyard. Additionally he has a buddy next door named Gus who he chats with from time to time.

We had our Des Moines debut last week in the gay bars on Friday and were invited to a BBQ the next night by the DJ. We met a group of about 15 gay and lesbians that are running buddies with the DJ. Very enjoyable evening - we left the BBQ and then closed down the bar. Sunday morning Bubba and I were a bit slow getting up.

Bubba seems to be enjoying himself as well. We have joined a gym around the corner from the house and the manager is STUNNING. I took one look at him and joined on the spot.

One of the really nice aspects of our neighborhood is the proximity of everything. Linus' pet store is around the corner and run by nice lesbians. We've sampled the area restaraunts and found them to be good. The grocery store chain called Dahl's has a store a few blocks away and it is called the "Dahl's Beaver". Bubba just loved that. And one of the local gas stations is called the "Kum and Go". The neighborhood is called Beaverdale and people have given it a funny nickname: "The Beaverhood". I think that there is definitely a sexual undercurrent here in Des Moines.

I am happy to have a larger chunk of my day back because my work is only 15 minutes away during "rush hour" and the campus for work is extremely nice.

Bubba and I are off to see the DJ again tonight and listen to his eclectic mix - he plays Patti Labelle, Michael Jackson, Donna Summer, etc. Its a great way to spend Friday evening unwinding. Plus the bar's motto is: "Where you never have to ask for a double".

I have attached a photo of the skyline below. Des Moines sits at the intersection of the Des Moines and Racoon rivers. This view is looking north from the Des Moines river. Tomorrow we are off to check out the Farmer's Market downtown which is apparently THE thing to do on Saturday morning.

I'll report on that in short order!