Des Moines does not disappoint

Children - I had quite a week at work so I was really ready for a Friday afternoon cocktail at the Saddle (the bar is called the Blazing Saddle - but the girls call it the saddle). Mr. DJ spins fab tracks on Friday and drinks are cheap and BIG....some of my DC rugby sistahs (you know who you are!!) would definitely enjoy a double vodka cran in a mug for 3 bucks.

Well Bubba and I both had late lunch on Friday and we were not feeling super peppy so we figured that we would hit the saddle quickly for a drink on Friday evening and be back early.

Well let's just say things did not go as planned:

1. The gay bars are located in a part of town called the East Village which is "trendy" - it really is growing on me. My favorite dive bar EVER is there called the Locust Tap - just a shit hole bar with lots of rough trade and cheap Miller High Life. The High Life is my D.O.C. (drink of choice) when my body gets too much cranberry juice and vodka. I digress.

Well Friday night happened to be Bike Night in Des Moines which means that they have bikers come in and they have a street fair including food, all things biker, and of course beer. Now in San Francisco I was introduced to the street fair staple for skinny bitches called "meat on a stick" - it is usually chicken in some forgettable marinade which has been grilled into submission and speared on a wooden skewer. They are horrible unless drunk mid-day and having a sugar crash. Well bike night took "meat on a stick" to a new level. The Iowans appear to be fans of a smoked turkey leg.

Yes children, these hot biker daddies (and bitches too) were wandering around the "trendy" part of town at the street fair gnawing on these large avian femurs. It makes me nauseous but Bubba thinks it is funny.

Bubba was definitely in his element at Biker Night - lots of biker chicken floating around. Jimbo would have wet his pants at the sights of some of these biker daddies up close. Think Caveman with a tan in leather and levi's.

Let me tell you - she was winking.

2. The main music stage for bike night was smack dab in front of the Saddle. Bubba and I though the same thought at the same time - what happens when one of these straight biker guys comes into the bar.

So we cruised into the Saddle and it was FULL of these biker couples (straight) hanging out and getting drinks (which you can carry on the street openly - FABULOUS).

So we greeted Mr. DJ and I made some suggestions for songs - one was Berlin's "Metro"...Mr. DJ couldn't find it but made it up to me by playing Madison Avenue's "Do I look like a slut?".

Mr. DJ and I were in complementary plaid shorts and white shirts - a trendy, gayish Doublemint Twin kinda thing going on. Love Mr. DJ.

3. Now when we got there it was still early-ish (7:30 or so). Around 9-ish the street fair started to wind down and the biker couples (straight) infiltrated the bar and started getting their drink on. Mr. DJ never missing a beat and sensing the change in tides threw on some Rolling Stones and Janis Joplin - the bar LOVED it. A true moment of gay straight harmony.

4. Now that Bubba and I had not had dinner and starting hitting the drinks - things started to liven up considerably. Bubba gets very very chatty when drunk and smiles alot.....well Mr. DJ's paramour showed up (very butch) and they just had a grand time chatting about guns and blowing things up and all that butch stuff.

I watched this straight guy (who was standing at the bar and I was behind him at the DJ booth) and he proceeded to rope these two random chicks into talking to him, then kissing him, then grabbing at his business, and then out came the dick and one of the chicks was on it like a Hoover vacuum. He was getting a hummer at the bar from one of the women and was macking on the other. Then he closed up shop and they all quickly left to, I would suppose, finish business.

We lasted another hour - The BJ guy was back, sans women and rubbing himself alot, right before we left - Mr. DJ said that he came back to "get it done properly".

So we get home at midnight, cram some food in, and pass out. Good times.


Well now we had to get up because I had Yoga at 9:30 (Hot Mama got me a mat awhile back and I have started going to Yoga classes at my gym) and we had to meet Mr. DJ at 11:15am for Market Day (the Farmer's Market downtown). I got back from Yoga and Bubba failed to eat breakfast so he was headed for a blood sugar crisis when we picked up Mr. DJ. (BTW - Yoga was fab - Yoga is the new rugby, you heard it here first). So Bubba proceeded to eat his way across the Farmer's Market - 1) Pretzel dog immediately, 2) some Indian potato thing called a Saloo (I believe - Bubba recommends) 3) an El Salvadoran breakfast thing with cole slaw, meat and a corn meal tortilla, and 4) a breakfast burrito. Mr. DJ and I cruised men - it was just OK.

So it got really hot (like DC hot) when the sun finally got going and we all just wilted. Mr. DJ offered up a great idea- let's go the Art Center because they were having a festival on Saturday. So we troop over there - very nice place. IM Pei did the first major addition and Richard Meyer did the second (very much like the High in the ATL). Good collection of representations of each of the major periods in modern art save Abstract Expressionism (I was not too bent out of shape becuase it is not my favorite).

We also found out that they had a booty shaking high school marching band appearing (this ranks up there with cross country chicken in Bubba's list of fetishes). So we watched the Isisorettes do a 30 minute show. It was mainly dance and percussion but they did a really nice thing by incorporating a set of bells with the percussion - it made it very interesting. The first time I have heard the Jeopardy theme turned into a dance number (and it was GOOD). So booties were shaken and Bubba got his fill. We then dropped off Mr. DJ for naptime. I had errands and Bubba also needed a nap.

Saturday evening was the main event. A big drag-a-thon to remember Aramis who was a central figure in the drag community in Des Moines - she died in late June and her death really resonated with the community. Below is an excerpt from the web page:

We are hosting a Memorial for Aramis Of Iowa (Jeffrey K. Farber) at Hamilton's Funeral Home on East 6th & Lyon (3 blocks from the Saddle) on Saturday, July 28th 2007. Visitation is at 5pm with a Celebration of Aramis at 5:45pm. We would appreciate everyone dressing appropriately - which means High Drag for those who can & will as there will be a unified procession to the Saddle for a reception directly after the Service. We will also be having a Benefit Show - "Hannukah In July" (formerly Christmas in July) in his honor with the proceeds going to C.C.'s Basket Program for the Project. All performers are welcome and appreciated.

Bubba and I got there around 7-ish and the crowd rolled in shortly after. I think every drag queen in town was there (in the daylight!!!) and the drag-a-thon started at 9pm. It finally ended around midnight and there were some high points and some really low points. But the bar was packed, drag queens were crying, the drinks were flowing and the weather was perfect.

Just before we left, Bubba was approached by the gentleman from last week who asked if Bubba was on Bear411. They chatted and it was very friendly - less a mauling and more of a cuddle.

We got home and went to bed. Now Bubba is down at another "event" at the Saddle called Lockdown (I am too tired to go and I have too much shit to do around the house). Here is the description from the website:

The Summer LockDown at the Saddle is BACK!

Tickets are now on sale at the Saddle for the "HOTTEST" Event of the Summer

Sunday, July 29th at 5pm!

Tickets are $35 prepaid or $40 at the Door!

If you don't know anything about the Saddle LockDown - ask someone who's been there cuz what goes on at the LockDown STAYS at the LockDown!

Apparently what happens is that the bar closes its doors for three hours from 5-8pm today. Once locked in, these strippers from Chicago then prance around in thongs (or less) for three hours and do little go-go numbers and everyone gets cozy. Bubba loves this sort of thing, so he was going to go down and get the scoop. I await his return.

Well that is all for now - I actually have to go to work tomorrow and get something done so I have been busy as a bee today unpacking, running errands, laundry, etc. I'll let you know about lockdown this week!