Hello 911!!! I've been mauled!

Bubba and I went down to hear the DJ spin some tunes and we had some drinks. Mr. DJ was kind enough to have found a remix of Sylvester's "Do you wanna funk?" and played that when we got to the bar.

BTW - The weather here is FANTASTIC right now. It is sunny and 63F at 8:45am in late July. Bubba and I are sleeping like logs in this weather.

Anyhoo. Bubba and I were talking to Mr. DJ and getting our cocktail on (We are all meeting up this morning to survey the Des Moines Farmer's Market. Apparently it is a cultural event...in any case, I want some good tomatoes and fresh basil!)

OK back to last night - Mr. DJ leaves the bar amid a flurry of kisses. Bubba and I hang back to finish up our last drink before we head out. Suddenly out of nowhere - this bear pair (think Titan/Eagle) swoops in and start talking to Bubba - I was basically ignored. I think it is so cute and harmless - the Bear Pair are petting Bubba and rubbing on him and making eyes at him. Very Wild Kingdom - I was Marlon watching Jim (Bubba) play with the bears.

Well something in the air changed. The bigger bear (Big Bear) grabs Bubba by the back of his pants, spins him around, puts him face down on a table and starts dry humping him. There was a mention of a sling in there too. Bubba looked like he was in an episode of Oz getting ridden by a 300 pound, hairy guy.

Now I am cocktailed, so it took a few seconds for it all to register (I mean, I don't even get to do that to Bubba).

Bubba was getting mauled!

Then Big Bear released Bubba from his clutches and was back to snuggling and cuddling. Bubba looked dazed at this point. The bears ambled off to a buffet and Bubba was cold and wanted someone to hold him.

So we are headed out waving to Stinky (the bartender - his honest to God nickname) and another bearish thing comes up and grabs Bubba and introduces himself. I turn around and see another mauling coming - this guy is cooing to Bubba "Are you on Bear 411". Bubba shouts no and tears out of the bar.

So Bubba is now planning an extensive workout and diet package put together by the stud manager of the gym. He refuses to become bear bait!

Another interesting development: One of the lead drag queens in Des Moines, Aramis of Iowa, passed away at the end of June - it was unexpected. Well the local community is having a memorial service for her at a funeral home in the East Village (where the bars and homos are). The following is a quote from the announcement:

"Following the memorial (7:00-ish) we will have a Unified Procession to the Blazing Saddle for social time before the "Hanukkah in July" Benefit show to start at 9 pm to benefit CC's Holiday Basket Program in honor of Aramis.

Appropriate dress is requested, which means High Drag for those who can and will...So get your eyebrows on and celebrate the gal who celebrated for so many.

We heard an anecdote about when Aramis was found dead. The cops came to confiscate the driver's license (it is some odd Iowa law) and they asked where the license might be and one of his roommates said:

"It might be in a purse".


Iowa is turning out to be a very interesting place. I'm enjoying seeing Bubba turned into a bear plaything (he just reminded me that before getting mauled, they asked very politely if they could feel his ass). I can't wait to go to Aramis' Unified Procession!!!

I'll fill you in on Stinkette's Bus to the Iowa State Fair in my next posting. Oh and remind me to fill you in on the lockdown at the bar on Sunday with hung strippers from Chicago.